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Life of the Gallows - IP

2008-04-09T07:53:27-07:00

Did some work on chapter 4 (p22-28).

A Pendulum Between (formerly Elevator) - Draft

2008-04-22T22:06:44-07:00

I'm still dissatisfied with the title. The first one you think of tends to stick and you can't think of anything else. Here are some of the latest ideas: Crash and Burn Point Two Seconds Sleeping Masks (Dreaming Masks, Felix's Masks, or Sparker's Masks) A Mask for Dreams

Life of the Gallows - IP

2008-04-22T22:30:33-07:00

Some notes for revisions, specifically trimming: Pal and Katalin Kovaks think they run this town. They have three children: Janos, Antal, and Anna. The eldest, Janos, a rival entertainer, has long been in love with Lena, but she detests his crudeness and assumed privilege. Anna, the youngest, secretly works as a harlot at the Red Robin. Antal, the middle child, a quiet mortician, doesn't relate well to his family. (Widow Sára, Lady Agáta?) When Peter Eltes' receives a handsome dowry for his eldest daughter Ilona, the Kovaks feel slighted. They decide Anna should marry the son of the castle stable caretaker, though she has been seeing the musician Tamás Eltes, Antal's friend and Peter Eltes' only son whom she met at the Red Robin. Katalin hires Lena to sew Anna's wedding gown, but Sára Vak, daughter of Gergeley Vak, Katalin's estranged brother, is jealous of Anna and the caretaker and steals Lena's yellow silk, thinking she's immune from prosecution due to her father's role as executioner. Gergeley the executioner is hung (1) as Benedek's first act. Angry with Benedek and Léna for her father's murder (and of course still jealous), Sára Vak steals the completed wedding gown from the castle stables and is hung (2) by Benedek. Pal Kovaks gives the town drunk, Laslzo Szabo's, a bottle of his strongest liquor, knowing he'll end up on the Eltes farm, pining for Ilona. Inebriated, the drunk smashes the bottle over Peter Eltes' prize hog and is hung (3). Benedek talks with the executioner’s son, about his mom and sister. After a trip to the Red Robin, Janos tells his mother about Anna and her plan to run away with Tamás Eltes. Revengeful, Anna's friends seduce Janos into impersonating a court official and he is hung (4). Infuriated with her daughter, Katalin gets a drunken Tamás Eltes to be caught stealing from a magistrate and he is hung (5), along with a band of 3 women and 2 men. Katalin also gets Ilona Eltes hung (6) for public indecency while in town to mourn her brother. Antal Kovaks and Lena console each other for the death of their friends and brethren, and plan to marry and run away in secret. Katalin finds them and they're arrested for blasphemy. Antal gets his mother arrested for grinding glass in the king's food while there delivering her homegrown herbs. - Benedek is the crow, his feelings towards? and the crow disappears in the end. - Structure, action, dialogue for better grounding - Link the deaths by lineage; find the relatives and connections: - Metaphors, similes, dreams, subconscious vs. unconscious, modifiers, eyes - Flute necessary? - Buckets necessary? - How many hangings actually needed? Can I condense so each has more action? interact with victims? Victim’s items? (She’s going away. Benedek going to do something big. Sister encourages. She wants him to fail, to put an end to it, her own friends dying, Antal constantly busy (or out of work), but obviously doesn’t expect him to be killed. She wants him away so he won’t see the dress she’s sewing/mending – the yellow one, recycled, the best she’s ever made, the start of many.) (crow’s repeated action – fluttering and landing)

A Pendulum Between - Kevin Lottes edits

2008-05-01T13:59:06-07:00

Here were Kevin's comments that accompanied the pdf: I think it's a lot better than the last draft I read. I still feel like there's something missing, but I can't tell you what that something is. I did wonder at the end about the bike, since it seems like the main reason he's still there besides being seduced by Gale's presence. There's still some confusion about what's happening in the present, and going back into the past with regard to Emily. And as much as I like Sparker and Gale, I wonder if this story would work better if it was just Emily and William. Those pages where you focus on their relationship really seem to pop and work, but then when you try to bring William back to the brothel, you lose me in spots. However, I love the whole brothel idea and the use of the elevator and masks. Even the story about Felix is interesting, but is it relevant to the story? So maybe use one or the other, or figure out a better means in which you transition between the stories - not only structural transitions, but visual transitions as well (i.e. italicize everything that's happened in the past, or something like that) . As an overall comment, it feels like you are trying to jam a novel concept into a short story. Honestly - and I only really came to that conclusion this evening! I think you have a good beat to your writing, you really do, but the beat sounds like a novel to me - I think you might have too much going on to be asking it to be told within the constraints of a short story. Short stories are immediate, urgent, fast - and although there are moments when your story is fast, it slows down again, and then picks back up, and so on, for me, that feels like a novel. I found myself cutting things even though I thought the writing was good, if that makes sense.

Elbina Rides Again - IP

2008-05-02T11:32:46-07:00

Some edits I'm focusing on: - tie grandparents - New Future = past (good HDC); Abandonment; New History = now (bad HDC) - kiddie pool related to Richard's self-awareness in bathtub with truck? - Toy at the bottom of the trunk to kill Higgins plays in later? - Robe as worm - Remember his brother's bb. They'd both been shot… - Could probably kill the mud bath scene for 7k words. - Five pages of statement, probably can be trimmed so it doesn't have so much weight? - Does the drowning do everything the mud bath scene does? Is his dad/grandad the gila monster? Or, is there a good connection that can be pulled out between the two scenes?

A Pendulum Between - Kevin Lottes edits

2008-05-02T12:24:24-07:00

Also, a full list of tweaks I want to make: 1) rename to .002 Seconds 2) Kevin's tightening edits 3) clarity of reality 4) reverse chronological order for memories of Emily 5) train relationships are memories too 6) for william, the masks are a way to strip away his present self 7) for sparker, the masks are magical talismans that can stop time and regress it, because he has no grip on himself 8) sparker expects william to show him where to go 9) the individual masks don't matter, its the process that does 10) for sparker, el fuchs is his invented excuse to rationalize his deeds. gale knows. 11) for gale, escape is the goal 12) clear up ending: sparker might burn the place down, william is not jumping to his death. Some sketches to add in, related to the above: Time distorted. My self was distorting and I have to dig back further to keep hold of it. My emotions were swampy and mixed, the associations driving them seeming less and less distinct. I knew I was falling somewhere in my dreams, but couldn't remember a thing, and woke seating. I wasn't dreaming at all. I was actually becoming something else. Was Sparker looking for the same thing? Why would Gale call him El Fuchs? I could stay a little longer. --- "Now, I'm not even sure what I'm looking for, but I haven't had any luck, so maybe you can tell me what they do for you. Surely you must be missing something too. Everyone is." "I suppose. My girlfriend, she-" "Hey, hey, I don't need to hear about it. I just want to know where you go. If you find it, whatever it is, I want to know what you focus on so I can try it too." I wanted to find Emily. The original Emily. It's not like I'd find her in the stillness of our empty apartment. And the original me. The masks were a chamber, sealing off the present, and more importantly, my present self. I need to go back, to strip away all the associations and find the me that fell in love with Emily. There, I might find her. --- After a few months I went to work earlier so we wouldn't have to commute together. I remember watching this other couple. --- "See, something's wrong. I won't tell her, but this isn't Gale. Not the first Gale. Something happened in-between and she's close, but not quite. I know the rest of her is somewhere in here", he said, tapping his temple. --- Sparker is taking this all literally, as if each mask has a certain spell which matters more than just the process of seeking back through time. He wants to be an in-betweener, like Felix, but Felix's wife and child were dead. Gale is not. --- "Jay gets confused sometimes."

Washer Woman - IP

2008-05-22T09:23:22-07:00

NOTE: the Celtic song should have a melody like a slowed-down "When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again", but with the Celtic triple.

Slow as Molasses - IP

2008-05-22T09:24:12-07:00

NOTE: grandpa's steel grip, always playing with the rubber doughnut

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2008-05-23T10:40:07-07:00

From my friend Nick Scott: In the 60's jazz artists were doing something along the same lines. Many used the great american songbook and re-interpreted the songs in their own fashion. Many also took songs from popular culture and remixed them per se. Good examples would be coltranes interpretation of "my favorite things", miles davis' interpretation of "someday my prince will come (disney)" and basically all of the plugged nickel set for miles davis where he began to play standards but the rif was barely perceptible and only showed up breifly in a 20 minute version of each song. That type of stuff seems to have fallen out of favor or possibly into legal troubles in the 80s and 90's but is coming back now. ARtistic interpretations of others art is a great thing about music.

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